I miss right now. I miss summer, I miss Worcester, I miss my friends, always, I miss my mom. I miss being able to go to school and enjoying it. I miss the feeling that I don’t really have a reason to be sad, that it’s just in my head and that tomorrow will indefinitely be better. I miss having to complain about fieldhockey, but loving the feeling of being a part of the team. I miss my theater class. I miss everything.
I’ve been sad lately, I’m not really sure why. I mean I know I have plenty of reasons to be sad, I’m just not sure why it’s been coming up randomly. Yesterday I watched Enchanted. I absolutely love that movie. It may be a kid movie, but it lightens my heart. Amy Adams is so endearing in it, and whenever I watch it I feel like maybe somewhere, somehow, magic still does exist, fairytales exist. It’s a silly thought, I know. But if it keeps me hopeful, then it can’t be that silly, right? Right.
I’m terribly sick today, I stayed home from school again. I’m beginning to dislike myself for how often I’ve stayed home I think. But anywho, I think I’m going to try to clean my room. I hate a messy room, but a clean room always puts me in a good mood. I’ll be on here again sometime.
Until then, xo.
Filed under: Life, School | Tags: appreciation and happiness, fields of gold, Life, summer
“I’ve never made promises lightly,
And there have been some that i’ve broken.
But I swear in the days still left,
We’ll walk in fields of gold.”
For some reason, fields of gold by sting always makes me sad. Do you ever feel like you have memories of something that you know never happened to you? That’s what happens to me when I listen to that song. I always feel this longing inside of me, to go back to the days in fields of gold, but I never have actually experienced them in the first place. It just feels so real, like in anastasia when she goes back to her old palace and there’s things she “almost remembers”. I don’t know, maybe I just get really into the song? It’s just such an odd mood I get it whenever the song comes on.
In other news, I’ve been thinking lately. It’s so hard to change. It’s hard to be someone you know you should be when you know you’re not. It’s hard to be strong, when you know you’re sad, and a simple slip up can erase your problem. But sometimes, it’s harder to erase your problem then to actually deal with it. I don’t like having conflict in my life, especially with people I love. I usually know if I’m being selfish or if I’m rational, but sometimes the line blurs and it’s hard to tell if I’ve made the right choices. I’ve grown so much this past year, and now that summer is so close (six school days to be precise) I feel as if I’m really not done learning yet either. I feel like there’s so much more to come. I’m going to me working all summer, while balancing a social life, summer homework, sat prep, and Princeton. As much as I put all my effort into things, I feel like I look to the future so much that I’m just running away from problems I have now to some expected happiness I seek to find, and I’m forgetting to recognize the moments that are slipping away in the process. I don’t think I’ve enjoyed enough lately and I’d like to make a promise to myself to start living. I’m only going to have a summer being sixteen once, I better take advantage of it. So here is my summer resolution: I, Chelsea, will truly enjoy my summer, soak up every bit of positivity possible, stop being stressed, and just be young. I don’t want to say that my youth was wasted when I was young at some later point in life. I want everything to be worthwhile.
Highschool is such an interesting part of life. The drama, the hard feelings, the copied homework assignments, the snowdays, the teachers that give you a hard time, the fights in the hallways, .. it’s all insignificant in the long run, yet why is it that those aspects of highschool are so strangely important? I’ve always been the person to look at the bigger picture, I don’t really know how not to be that person. But the fact of it all is that no matter how much of the whole picture you can see, no matter what understanding you have of life and the “long run”, it doesn’t change the current state of the world. It may be a means of dealing with the problem at hand or coping with the struggle or whatever, but it doesn’t rid of it. Perspective is irrelevent in erasing the past and present. It is only insight to the future, or a look at a situation from the outside. Its weird how interwoven time is with sight.
Filed under: Life, School, Uncategorized | Tags: 'before', knee appointment, work
I have maaajor work to do. But because I’m a ridiculous procrastinator, I have to give myself set time limits to get things done. It’s generally 1hr work / half hour break, but I just ate dinner so I gave myself a good 45 minutes. It probly seems ridiculous but it really does keep me on track. And I have ALOT of work to do, so what ever.
I’m going to an appointment tomorrow to finally figure out what the hell is wrong with my leg. <3 Thank god. I’m really really hoping that I don’t need surgery and just alot of physical therapy. But idk, we’ll see tomorrow I guess.
Alright this is out of nowhere, but I thought about it a while now. Why is it that if something is ‘before’ it can be in front of you or behind you? Like “it lies before you” or “it was before your time.” Idk, here’s so many different purposes that a single word in the English language can serve.
But I have to get back to my work now :/ Laterrr!
Filed under: Life, School, Shopping | Tags: field hockey, Labor day weekend, Pre AP
So I know that I haven’t been on lately, and my last few posts have been kind of blah, but I’ve just been so busy. Obviously school’s started up again so with field hockey and the pre-AP U.S. History class I’m taking, I’ve been completely swamped. I feel silly talking about the class but I really have my hands full with it. It’s unbelievable, but I guess it’s all worth it right? I hear that the class i’m in (mostly because of the teacher,) is at the same level of difficulty as the actual AP class, or maybe even harder. Hopefully when I actually take AP History it’ll be a breeze then. I actually shouldn’t even be on here now, I’m in the middle of working on some history assignments at the moment. But I kinda have been wanting to get on here and do something other than research or typing up an essay.
Field Hockey, well that’s a whole other story. The practices really haven’t been bad, or as bad as I expected them to be. We have a new coach this year aswell, Mr. Angers. I do miss our old coaches Alli and Erin but I have to admit there are a few things about Mr. Angers’ coaching that I prefer over the old ways. This year there are a ton of sophmores on the team. We did get new freshman and whatever but it’s mainly tenth graders. Next year when varsity loses all of their seniors, JV is going to be seriously lacking in the defensive line. And varsity won’t have it that great either, we’re only going to have four players on defense, meaning none of us are going to get switched out during the game, which will be tough. Tomorrow is our first game, it’s away in Marlboro. I believe that was our first game last season as well. It’s the start of a long eight weeks.
In news other than school and sports, I’ve been pretty good. This past Labor day weekend I went to Blackstone with Michaela, Heather, and Tyler, then headed to a “party” at Jack’s. (It was really just us sitting around a bonfire with a group of immature, over rowdy, boys) on Friday night, a cookout at Heather’s aunt’s on Saturday, watched this video of a skate team scavenger hunt at Eastern Boarder (cuuutest guys there ;D) on Sunday, and spent monday with Jonny at his aunt’s wicked nice house out in Norfolk. It felt good to just relax and get the feeling of summer back a little bit. I went and got my physical today too. I needed it to play this season, so I got it right in time for the first game. I’m really excited about this Friday, I’m going shopping and Jonny and I are going out to eat. I don’t get the chance to go out much so it’s nice to do something like this once in a while. That probably sounds ridiculous with the weekend that I just described, but I really never have plans like that ha. I hang out with people but we just hang out. We usually end up driving or walking around aimlessly for a few hours to kill time before curfew. Ahh, so exciting. haha
But it’s getting late, and I have a ton more reading to do. This class is killing me. :P Night!
Filed under: Life, School | Tags: baby shower, end of summer, jonny, rollercoasters, september 9th, six flags, wisdom teeth
I just thought that I’d update, I haven’t for a few days. I’m in a pretty good mood today. I have a baby shower to go to at three, it’s 12:47 now. Lysandra, the person who is having the baby, is due on my brother’s birthday. Oddly enough, that’s also the same day as my friend Deprise’s parents got married (who happen to be Lysandra’s aunt and uncle.) Seems September 9th is a pretty busy day. Lately I can’t stop listening to that song ‘The Space Between’ by Valencia, there’s just something about it that gets me so pumped haha.
Yesterday I went to Six Flags with Jonny, Amy, and Jaime. It was me and Jonny’s six month anniversary as well, so it was nice being able to do that. Jonny was nervous to go on any of the rides, but I made him trust me and ride them anyway. Of course he enjoyed all of them. I mean I can understand, even I get the jitters sometimes before I go on a rollercoaster, but that usually doesn’t stop me. Actually, I don’t think it’s ever stopped me. I’ve never gotten in line or gotten on the ride and then backed out. If I don’t want to go on one then I’ll just avoid it all together. But hey, that’s just me.
So I’ve discovered that my wisdom teeth are coming in :\ Yeah. Not fun. When I think of the word ‘wisdom’ old chinese men with long beards and proverbs come to mind. Not late blooming molars that entail visits to the dentist and painful procedures. I get that the wisdom part in the name is related to how late they come, but hey. I’m only fifteen, who ever considered that to be an age of wisdom? I’m still figuring out who I am, let alone the secrets to life. Sheesh.
I this is my last weekend of summer o_o. It went by so incredibly fast. I have school on Tuesday, the 26th. I have two more nights of freedom, and then my last day of summer, well that’s a school night. I have to say that this is the first year that I’m not really looking forward to going back. I mean I guess I could be excited, I get to see everyone and I’m class president and what not, but I just don’t think that this summer was satisfying. It seemed really, REALLY short. There’s already leaves dropping and changing color outside my bedroom window. I already explained that I don’t mind the Fall, it’s just kind of shocking how quickly it’s coming. But anyway, I feel like I’m just repeating myself. I’ll probably call Megan now, she’s my ride to the shower and I told her we would hang out before hand.
Toodles! :)
Filed under: School, Shopping | Tags: field hockey, Shopping, steve madden boots, summer reading, unemployment
I found my boots! :D They’re Steve Madden, I ordered them online. They’re gorgeous. haha I’m sure I sound ridiculous right now, I’m just really excited. I’m kinda spending all my money on them though .. :/ But I’m just going to work more and hopefully I’ll be able to make up for this splurge. But back to the boots. They come up to about mid calf I’d say, and they’re like a heather gray (maybe a little darker) and they tie in the back. They’re suedey material, idk how else to explain them but I’m so pumped. I got new stuff for field hockey too, but Karan bought it for me. Goggles finally, because they’re always out of stock when I look for them at Dick’s Sporting Goods, new cleats because I lost all the studs in mine and it messes up my feet when I run, and a new mouthguard, because Karan insists.
I’ve got most of my shopping done, but I still have some more to do. I’m probably going to wait a little though, maybe into September. And I’m gonna try to not just blow all of my money either, because I have a tendency to get out of hand when it comes to shopping. I guess it’s a good thing that I never go shopping, ha.
I’ve been really stressed lately. I need to do my summer reading, well, I already did the reading portion, I need to do the writing part. I know a lot of kids think summer reading is totally stupid and a waste of perfectly good summer hours. But I’d be reading anyway, whether it be required or not. And I’m competitive with myself when it comes to things like grades. I like to do better than I did previously, so I’m always looking for a challenge. I’m not about to give up ten percent of my english grade first quarter. I don’t really care to sound like a nerd, I’ve always found school to be really important. I’ve been gifted with being able to look at the bigger picture in life, something a lot of people never really get a grasp on, or at least not as a teenager. But whatever, I’m just rambling haha. I actually have some work to do, like I said, I’m doubling my efforts to get money this summer. That is, as long as I’m unemployed. :/ It looks like I’ll be job-less until January probably. Yikes. But that’s all for now, toodles :)
