Filed under: Life
Day one of my new self-help project is going well so far. According to my Sparkpeople fitness plan, I am supposed to be eating more fruits and vegetables, at least two, which I have already gotten in. For breakfast I had coffee, a banana, and a spinach/onion/cheddar omelet. But not all in one sitting, (banana and eggs?) Ew. Lunch; salad and a roll per usual, but I made sure to bulk it up with lettuce today, and not croutons. I have a habit of choosing to eat a salad, but I end up piling on enough to make cheese fries look healthier. An apple as an after class refresher, and I am going to the gym after my aunts gets off her conference call. We’ll see how dinner goes though, that’s usually what hurts me. In not nutritional news, I had a lot of testing today, followed by an assembly and time spent researching my paper. (Which one ..? -_-) I am also making slow but steady progress with my relationships with people at school. I hate being new, but I can’t let my impatience overcome me. I also apologize for the boringness of this post, another plan I have on Sparkpeople is to keep a journal. I figured this served purpose well enough. However, I must now tend to a vital component of my road to success, homework. I’ll try to fit in a post tomorrow.
Until then, xo.
Filed under: Life, The Internet | Tags: life in a rut, self improvement, The Pretty Project
Today was rough. I’ve been feeling really out of shape lately, and after trying to workout and unsuccessfully reduce stress, I came to the conclusion that I can’t half ass this anymore. Feeling out of shape only adds to my already heaping amount of anxiety, and I refuse to let it bring me down. I have now fallen in love with a blog, “The Pretty Project” which has motivated me, along with my bad day, to start my own self project. I am going to become the better person I have always wanted to be, no more excuses. If not now, then when? I have ALOT to do, so I might as well start from the bottom. I am already almost finished with redecorating my room, I’ll get the pictures on here as soon as I finish hanging things up. My life may be in a rut right now, but I’ll be damned if I let it stop me. Ready, set, go.
So, I have anxiety, I need a nap, and I have a growing pile of homework that is probably going to soon devour me. But I need to write.
These past few weeks have been the most difficult in my entire life. First, the loss of my mom. It’s already been two weeks but it feels like it happened yesterday. Time has been playing tricks with my head, it passes slowly yet so quickly at the same time. Secondly, I had to move to Springfield. I know no one, I don’t know the area and everything I do know is at the least, forty-five minutes away. Thirdly, I’ve been to three different high schools in the last week. Regardless of how much I complained about school and practice and silly drama amongst my friends, it was still my whole world. And it was taken away from me, like my home, and like my mother. I’m trying so hard to keep my head clear in the middle of all of this, to keep afloat. I feel like I’m completely lost. I mean yes, I have a roof over my head and I have access to much more financially than I have ever before, but no amount of money can fill the void that was once my life.
I know that it may be selfish of me, but I wish that I could go back to when my mom was still in the hospital. When she was in the hospital I was able to see my family, and I had the constant support of my friends and I was always looking to the future, yet it was acceptable to keep living one hour at a time. I knew at that point that my mom wasn’t going to make it, but I still had her. I still had the chance to touch her, and talk to her, and let her know that I loved her. I had something to occupy my brain. I was distracted. I was kept busy by everyone around me, as if they feared idleness. It was like they were too scared to sit down to take a breath, because they might find there was no air. But now, now that she’s already gone and her memorial service passed, life begins again. Throughout it all, I never really expected the world to stop. I go about things rationally, and it would be incredibly irrational to expect such a thing. And that’s one of the hardest parts, I understand it all. I understand it, and why things have to be the way they are, and it leaves no room for hope or chance. If I was even a little bit in the dark, I could have the slightest fantasy that perhaps the fates would work in my favor and things could get better. But I know and understand the harsh reality of it all and I’m just waiting until I get to the point where I can deal with it.
Besides the beautiful colors, the crisp days, and the halloween parties, another reason to love October is because the month gives me an excuse to eat something like this (not like I would need much of an excuse anyway):
So what is this, you ask? This is a pumpkin Pie Milkshake, compliments of OurBestBites.com. The recipe goes as follows
Pumpkin Pie Milkshake
Recipe by Our Best Bites1/3 C pumpkin, canned or homemade
1/4 – 1/2 C milk
1/4 t vanilla
1/2 t cinnamon
1/16 t cloves (just use a 1/8 t measure and fill it half way, or do a pinch)
1/16 t nutmeg
2 T brown sugar
2 C vanilla ice cream
a few graham crackersPop it all in a blender. Start with 1/4 C milk and then slowly add more if needed to make the blender process it all. I used somewhere between 1/4-1/2 C.
And let me just say, that I love pumpkins, I love everything about them, and I am incredibly excited to try this. Infact, I think I’ll email it to my aunt now. :) Bon appetit!
In other news, there has been a ton happening, but I’ll save that for another post.
Until then, xo
