Chelsea in Wonderland

“I’ve never made promises lightly,
And there have been some that i’ve broken.
But I swear in the days still left,
We’ll walk in fields of gold.”

For some reason, fields of gold by sting always makes me sad. Do you ever feel like you have memories of something that you know never happened to you? That’s what happens to me when I listen to that song. I always feel this longing inside of me, to go back to the days in fields of gold, but I never have actually experienced them in the first place. It just feels so real, like in anastasia when she goes back to her old palace and there’s things she “almost remembers”. I don’t know, maybe I just get really into the song? It’s just such an odd mood I get it whenever the song comes on.

In other news, I’ve been thinking lately. It’s so hard to change. It’s hard to be someone you know you should be when you know you’re not. It’s hard to be strong, when you know you’re sad, and a simple slip up can erase your problem. But sometimes, it’s harder to erase your problem then to actually deal with it. I don’t like having conflict in my life, especially with people I love. I usually know if I’m being selfish or if I’m rational, but sometimes the line blurs and it’s hard to tell if I’ve made the right choices. I’ve grown so much this past year, and now that summer is so close (six school days to be precise) I feel as if I’m really not done learning yet either. I feel like there’s so much more to come. I’m going to me working all summer, while balancing a social life, summer homework, sat prep, and Princeton. As much as I put all my effort into things, I feel like I look to the future so much that I’m just running away from problems I have now to some expected happiness I seek to find, and I’m forgetting to recognize the moments that are slipping away in the process. I don’t think I’ve enjoyed enough lately and I’d like to make a promise to myself to start living. I’m only going to have a summer being sixteen once, I better take advantage of it. So here is my summer resolution: I, Chelsea, will truly enjoy my summer, soak up every bit of positivity possible, stop being stressed, and just be young. I don’t want to say that my youth was wasted when I was young at some later point in life. I want everything to be worthwhile.